Faith

Seems like such a simple word.. Faith..

I heard a sermon on Sunday about how faith begins where fear ends.. This statement caught my attention.. I can be prone to fear.. even thou He’s been so faith. why, then, do I still doubt?  I suppose it’s not because I doubt my King but rather because of this fallen world we live in..

People often site Job of the Bible. A man of great loss.. Job seems so far off and I don’t know..maybe it’s just me… but when I read about people in the Bible they seem to take on a super human quality because they are recorded there

Last week, it occurred to me, what if for music class, we studied the history of the classic hymns. I knew the story but wanted to revisit it.. “It is well with my soul” by Spafford.. I appreciate the history behind the words..

I so times get frustrated during worship.. we sing such amazing words and testimonies and praises for what God & Jesus have done.. but do we really worship? from the heart.. Often times I get sad as I look around and see people just going through the motions.. Do you mean what you are singing???

I have so many favorite songs.. but I truly appreciate a few .. “It is well..” was penned but Spafford on a ship on his way to meet up with his wife.. After learning his 4 girls had just died in a collision at sea.. who just 2 years before lost his son & his real estate in The Great Chicago Fire.. FAITH.. Only faith can pen the great words of testimony in the song..

Do I have such faith? If I am being honest I wouldn’t ascribe it to me.. I believe that faith just doesn’t come by accident. Faith comes in the investing one’s heart and yielding it to a perfect Father.. day after day.. and truly in heartfelt worship loves the Giver of the Gifts rather than the gifts.. What is your song?

Here by the grace of God am I

At moments, it overwhelms me.. this amazing feeling of Blessings.. I cannot believe this is my life. Sitting on the recliners, laughter filling the air. It’s a Sunday evening.. Ah Sunday.. after church, lunch, a walk.. the smell of  pumpkin pie lingers in the air. We talk, laugh, joke.. The girls are being silly, teasing their dad, him teasing them back. We all laugh. This is not my life. is it? This is not how I grew up. Not how he grew up. With some determination to change and much Grace. We are here. Thank you, Father.. Do others see these gifts before them? Life, love, joy, peace… It hasn’t been easy, at times we both probably felt justified to walk away.. when it got too tough. When we cried out to God, “it is enough”… when we thought we couldn’t take one more step.. here we are.. It’s in the ordinary of life we find joy.

16 years ago, this was not the path I was on. I was chasing after the wind. Desperately seeking peace. trying to fill the emptiness. My daughter along on my journey. How could I bring her into my loneliness, my desperation. I thought she’d bring me peace. I tried and tried .. but despair.. Then a light. Not a bright overwhelming light.. but a gentle light that first appeared in a crack.. I moved toward the light.. The light gave warmth and starting to touch something deep within. Then, the first gift. Love .. a Father.. He loved me, oh, did He love me. I was overcome! I was treasured. I belonged! The light grew bigger. The second gift, a man. not just a man, a kind man, loving, patient .. Can I trust? Is it safe? “Trust me” said this voice in the light. Next. A home. A real home. Could it possibly be? Yes, my love, you have a home. A family, beautiful girls. A church. A church? A community of families on a journey just like me. Learning, loving, teaching, seeking.. a church.

It began to rain.. it started out with a drizzle.. Then, the raging storm.. then the desert.. oh and the valley.. will I lose him ..will I lose her? He’s slipping away.. she’s slipping away.. Alone. I wrestled.. and I wrestled.. she’s gone. It’s all slipping away. Who are you God? I need to know. Can I trust you? Be still my soul. A hope and a future. a promise

Brick by brick, day by day we rebuild. To the mountain top I go.. peace, overwhelming peace. It is well.. with my soul… When all is lost, it is the beginning. To a new land we go, to the deeper still. Our home, our family, homeschooling, teaching, serving.. church, community, it’s not perfect, but it’s peace. Can it be .. peace? for me? Here in the ordinary everyday, there is peace & joy. It’s morning coffee together on the couch, it’s in waving him off to his day at work. It’s in the kissing them good morning.. it’s in the learning of school.. and in the vacuuming and laundry. It’s in the joy of making dinner and the talks around the table.. It’s in the busyness of the evening.. and the ending it in the recliner.. it’s in the kissing them good night and  the snuggling under the covers. I find Him.. who authored it all for me. and here by the grace of God am I.

Are we missing it all??… the journey

softball.. No, not just softball but SOFTBALL.. I am talking travel club ball, 5 day- a -week 11 months out of the year, softball. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I really like it. My husband thinks I have fallen on my head. 3 years ago, softball was a huge source of contention between us.. I guess I stopped seeing the time commitment. I saw how my husband took the opportunity to invest with our girls and the community of girls around them.  I am amazed at the depth of love they share and the bond they have.

Here we are, 5 years into this ride, in the throws of it all. Being in competitive sports, I see a lot of “funny” (and the not so funny) displays from people. After 5 games yesterday, from 8 a.m-4 :05 p.m., with countless highs and lows and comments and conversations.. this thought occurred to me, “are we missing it all???” I love to watch my girls play, not because they need to be the best, not so they can go division 1.. not so I can relive my youth, BUT because I love to watch them play and I also love to see my husband coach. (He’s not the crazy “yell & berate the girls” type but the “want to see the girls be the best they can be” kind of coach. He builds them up and teaches and encourages.) As I look around, I would like to say to the parents around me, “relax and enjoy this time in your kid’s life.” I want to say, “in 5 short years, they will be adults and these will all be memories” I want to say “be careful what you are teaching your children about winning and about losing” I want to say to the coaches, “these are  girls.. kids.. real lives…, please be careful and  tread lightly.. these girls are not pawns in a game” I want to say, “this is a journey STOP!  Relax!  Enjoy!”

Softball is gravy.. it’s the good stuff in life… It’s not work, not school, not  deadlines but the fun part of parenting..  I have admired people to be disillusioned. I have called people, friends.. We have invested our time and our best efforts. We have had good success and suffered some defeats..  in the end it’s about the moral victories and the lives we’ve invested in

It’s really just about the journey …

Don’t know where you’re headed… but it’s been a crazy ride so far for me. I’ve been thru some crazy terrain, deserts, valleys and oh some amazing mountain views.  Welcome to my blog.. it’s NOT about me but my journey home..